apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
