I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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