My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
