More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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