I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
