Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
