Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
