I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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