That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
this is an emotional support booty call
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
