Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can't just leave with hair like that
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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