god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I checked into jail on foursquare
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
