it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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