My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How external is "for external use only"?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
