I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
