You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
