why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
