she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
