I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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