I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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