By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
This house was built for laser tag.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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