We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
