Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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