is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
