she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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