So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
