my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
