This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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