C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
