Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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