how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
