i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
