I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
