weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
