idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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