he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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