After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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