God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
