not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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