Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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