The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
