I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
