dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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