I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
