DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
