I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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