when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
