If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
