where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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