Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
