Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
