That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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